I heard this quote, oddly enough, while critiquing a paper for a girl in one of my grad school classes. She is an older woman, a long-term house sitter in Seattle, and from our brief conversation she seems to have a restless soul, sort of like mine. Her story was compelling to me, and as she elaborated on the statement, it really struck me. I found it so heart-wrenching, but I also understood. Have you ever felt like you were somewhere that didn’t feel like home, even though many of your roots were there?
Then I realized, I felt that for a long time when I lived in California. And although I miss my family and friends in Orange County, those roots I thought were keeping me there were not as grounding as I once thought. I miss it, of course I do. I miss seeing the new babies being born, the happy hours, the random girls’ nights, and the walks on the beach. And being there when someone really needs you. A phone call just doesn’t do that. But hear me out.
That restless soul I once had, that one that kept me and forced me to keep moving. Keep traveling. Keep going. The soul and heart I had even when I heard this quote just over a year ago. This soul is no longer there. Although my roots are not here in Denver, those will be in California for awhile, I think I am firmly establishing this as my home. And I am making those roots for myself. Creating a life that I love, and I can’t imagine leaving it anytime soon.
So I guess, now, a year after starting this post and reading this quote, I can actually say I am no longer homeless OR rootless. They are just not in the same place at the same time right now. But I have them. My home is established, and another set of roots are growing, deep in the snowy soil here.
And it feels really good.
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